Let me be absolutely clear about this: I really do not like broccoli. In my opinion it’s just like eating small trees and anyway why should I consume something which sounds like a suburb of South East London. I am, of course, fully aware that this bland cabbage like vegetable is supposed to be good for us: and I even understand that the former Beatle, Ringo Starr eats it with every meal. No contest there then … 

To continue. An example of something that is really good for me is not eating broccoli, and another thing which has a similar effect is not eating carrots. I know that carrots are great for your eyesight (groan alert) but I really can’t see the point. 

Now at this juncture you may be asking yourself whether the writer has lost control of his senses or you might even be thinking: ‘So what?’; but there is a good reason for raising this subject because every time I attend a function which includes a set meal, it seems that the only two vegetables that ever get served are broccoli and carrots – which, in case you haven’t realised, would never appear on my list of favourite vegetables and I’m not entirely sure why these two comestibles are so favoured. Of course maybe it’s a question of economics, or ease of preparation, or even a preoccupation with what’s good for us; I just don’t know. 

There’s no doubt that vegetables and fruit are desirable additions to our diet; as former hunter-gatherers, this is surely evident. But do they have to be rammed down throats? Well sometimes - and literally in my case: yes! 

There’s nothing new in this hypothesis by the way, our forebears where always aware of the potential benefits. I can remember being kept at the table for a whole hour after a particular meal when I refused to eat my greens – "but Mum I’ve got to get to work’"  

There’s a song entitled ‘It’s Illegal, It’s Immoral Or It Makes You Fat’ which  was published in the 1950’s and relates to all of those things that you tend to relish; these words are as true today as they were then, although perhaps we’re running a bit more liberal on the immorality front these days. Alas, what’s good for you does not always coincide with what you enjoy. 

Exercise can be a bit of a chore sometimes but I’m ok with running and cycling machines. Current wisdom now opines that people over the age of 35 who use cardio vascular exercises (running and cycling for example) are likely to become podgy in their middle years. Come off it! Is there a government department somewhere entitled ‘Whose day shall we ruin today’? These are the only exercises I like; why not pick on three-day eventing for example.  

Why do we never see headlines such as ‘Gin and Tonic Can Count As One of Your Five a Day’ or ‘Watching Sport In Front of the TV is Good for the Heart’. Or how about ‘Broccoli to be treated as a banned substance’? 

Cholesterol – is it high on your list? I’m not quite sure whether it’s good for you or not this week. Eggs – no problem; you can eat as many as you like apparently. Well I’ll be bound! 

It has long been one of my beefs (proves I’m not a vegetarian then) that, as mentioned earlier, the two aforementioned vegetables are always served wherever you eat. The only way I would eat carrots - and then reluctantly - was if they were served raw. Well I’ve literally just read in the Daily Mail (so it must be true!) that they are only really any good for you if they are cooked. Damn and blast! Want to know more? Well the only way I could eat broccoli would be if it was cooked to death. Yes, you’ve guessed it, in the same article it states that broccoli was only really good for you if served raw. I rest my case. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with this state of affairs is to live one’s life by treating every aspect of it with moderation. That’s of course providing it’s not illegal, immoral or fattening – although I would imagine that any one of these would be more fun than broccoli. 

I’ll let you into a secret. The lady wife was cooking Sunday roast. I said that I was due to write my piece for ‘The Mover’ and asked if she had any ideas. She picked up one of the vegetables and rather flippantly suggested: "Why not write about this?". 

Jan – this one’s for you!